Believe

As a child I remember believing in magic. I remember that my parents used to leave hints and clues to foster that belief. It seems so silly now, but the truth is that teaching me the hope in believing has been one of the most powerful lessons that they ever taught me. As an adult it was those same signs, although not planted but seemingly meaningless, a stranger holding the door, a gentle snow fall, children asking Santa to give their gifts to someone who truly needs them, a relatively unknown neighbor being invited to share a meal with your family so they are not alone, a hug from an old friend, that give me joy and hope for the future. Believe.

 “Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast”

Alice in Wonderland

The Funny Thing About Christmas...

It just so happens that when Melinda and Rudd find the most perfect of perfect trees at the Festival of Trees, no one, not even the engineer (Rudd), bothers to notice that the tree is exactly two feet too tall for the house. It’s a good thing that Micah is handy with a saw and Melinda has a quirky love for Christmas decorations, because you can hardly tell that we had to take a few feet off the top.

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas

Christmas in Wonderland

Home Away From Home

This weekend we are going to visit our family vacation home. We just love it there. We are going to spend three days in the pool. We are also planning a hike in Zion's. Micah has been working out more than me lately, which is so unheard of. He keeps suggesting really hard hikes. Which I should be excited about, but I was secretly looking forward to an easy walk in the mountians. I guess I have to brace myself, it really is hiking season. One of our favorite times of the year. We like to hike after work on Friday's and then go for dinner. This year I am going to do a walking challenge at work. My walking team is going to go hiking every Thursday after work.

About my wife Melinda

Melinda or, Linner, as she is known to her family and friends, is the love of my life.  She is so loving, confident, kind, loyal and funny.  One of my favorite things about Linner, is how she carries herself.  She has such a witty sense of humor, she can make anyone laugh at anytime.  Melinda, is so family oriented.
I love to see her with our nieces and nephews.  She is always doing art projects or going on adventures with them.  Melinda will be a wonderful mother, she is so sweet, creative and fun.  She is a great cook too, she loves to go grocery shopping for new kinds foods to try.  Melinda is such a loving and supportive wife.  I can’t wait to see her as a mothe

About my husband Micah

One of the first things I noticed about Micah is, how tall he is (he’s 6’4”) and his blue eyes.  When he smiles you can’t help but smile with him. Peopl.e love Micah because of his fun and loving personality. Micah loves the outdoors, he is always, ready to go, camping, fishing or just on a hike Micah has such a strong work ethic, he is a Sr. Asset Manager with a financial services comapny and is well respected by his employer and his peers. I Know that Micah will be a wonderful father. Any child that meets him falls in love with him. He is so patient and so fun. I can’t wait to see him with our children. Micah is a great husband, he is my soul mate. He is sweet, gentle, funny. loving and supportive. He loves to flirt with me and likes to suprise me withflowers, just because. We have such a strong marriage that is built on love, trust and respect.

Melinda's Family

I am the oldest of four children.  I have 2- sisters, 1- brother, 4- loving parents, 5- step-sisters, 4- step-brothers, 10- nieces and nephews (and a partridge in a pear tree).  I grew up with both of my parents and my siblings, Kimberly, Stephanie and Jeffrey.  Even though my parents are both remarried, we are all still very close.  We love to get together and play games or make dinner. I am so lucky to have such a big, loving family.  I can’t wait to pass all of the love and support that I feel on to my children.

Micah's Family

I am the youngest of three boys.  Growing up my parents loved to take us camping, hiking and fishing.  My parents have been married for 40 years, they are so loving and so inspiring.  I can’t wait to be married to Melinda for that long.  We live just a few miles from my parents and my brother Barry, his wife Heather and their sons.  We are always visiting each other.  Our favorite things to do as a family are to go camping and to have Sunday dinner together.  I love my family so much.

Our Home

We live in a community full of young families like us. Our neighborhood has a lot of space for kids to play. We have a dog named Higgins, the neighborhood kids call him, Piggins, he answers to both. Higgins is a one-year-old Shih Tzu. He is very playful, he loves fetch, chase, long walks by the river
and kids. If the neighborhood kids are outside Higgins will almost always try to sneak out of the house so, he can play with them. Occasionally, the kids will come over to ask, “Can Piggins play?” 

When we were married we couldn’t wait to start a family.  We were told very early on that our chances of ever getting pregnant were very small.  This started us down a path of doctor appointments, tests and treatments. Nothing felt right.  We have pondered and prayed and we know that adoption is God’s plan for our family.  The words have not been invented that can describe how full our hearts are and how excited we are to welcome a new addition to our family.  Adoption is the answer to our  prayers.

A child placed in our home will always know

that it was love that brought them to us.

Their birthparents will be a beloved part of their heritage.

We will raise them with Christian values,

we will nurture their spirit,

respect their thoughts, foster their creativity and,

encourage them to pursue their dreams, whatever they may be

We promise to love them unconditionally,

in every way.

Oh, Higgins

Higgins burried his bone today, in the carpet. It was quite the sight. Firtst, he placed his bone in the corner at the top of the stair, but when he noticed that I was watching him, he abrubtly moved his operation into our bedroom. He found a secluded corner behind a fan. There he tried to dig up the carpet. He placed his bone in his newly dug hole and then spent the next three minutes moving imaginary dirt onto the bone with his head. I assure you that his bone is secure.

Our Story

Micah and I met at work.  I had a crush on him right away.  I tried to talk to him a few times but, he would always walk away from me.  The first things that I noticed about Melinda were her blue eyes and her red hair.  Everytime she would talk to me, I would trip over my words.  Everyone told me that he was just really shy.  So one day, I marched up to him and told him that I heard that he liked to fly fish, and that I wanted him to give me lessons.  I told her I would teach her, but first she had to go to dinner with me.  She didn’t know it, but I found out that she liked to fish so, I had my buddies to tell her how great of a fly fisherman I was, and she totally took the bait (ba-da-buh).  By the end of our first date, I was hooked (ba-da-buh, right back).  I couldn’t believe that I finally met a girlwho liked the outdoors this much.  I knew that I had found the girl I was going to marry, but I didn’t want to seem too eager.  We dated for 3 years before I asked her to marry me.  I thought that he would never ask, but he did when we were on a hike in Zion’s National Park.  I said “yes, finally, yes.”  We were married four months later.

The Adoption Option

We are moving full speed ahead with adoption. Sometimes the family that was meant to be comes to be in a different way. Adopting a child isn't a plan B- to a biological child. Our plan has always been to have a family. We are simply going about it, differently than most, similar to some, but I assure you, this is God's plan. We are sending in our paperwork this week, keep your fingers and toes crossed that our baby comes soon.

Cycling in Period Sweats

My period is late. I am not pregnant. No, my period is late because the second I start my flow-sweet-flow, I will officially start IVF and my period fancies herself a little prankster. My period has managed to show up where she was never wanted. Prom? Check. New relationship? Check. Really long road trip? You betcha. White pants? Every. Single. Time. But, not this time. No matter what she's a no-show. I have tried, working out, I mean really working out. Grown up stuff. Eating spicy foods. Wearing a white shirt dress. And still no, Becky (yeah, I named my period, deal with it). Am I revealing too much? First of all I have two sisters, so this kind of stuff gets talked about in my world, even before I joined the barren biz.  



In the past 24 months, I have talked about very private lady things with those who are the most interested. It started out innocently enough. Husband and I had been trying for a few months and I had this sinking feeling that something was wrong. I was at lunch with a friend, who I knew had problems getting on the baby train in the past; so, I asked her, "were you regular?" and "when did you get help?" I must have blacked out after that because the next thing I remember, was that I was sitting in Dr. High-Five's office describing the color and consistency of Becky. It didn't stop there, so far to-date I have talked to the following people about my cycle, and might I add that none of these were conversations that I initiated:  A psychic (what? my mom's told her I wasn't ovulating), my mom, Dr. Encyclopedia, Dr. Encyclopedia's nurse, three nurse practitioners, Dr. Encyclopedia's receptionist, all of his billing department, my family practice doctor, the CIO at my company, my boss, my office mate, my cycling instructor, my personal trainer, my personal shopper, my hairstylist, mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, my neighbors (on both sides), my best friend, grandmother, total strangers in IVF class, all of the other doctors at The Making Baby Dreams Come True Clinic (actually, while baby was goal one when I started going to TMBDCT Clinic, goal two quickly became, everyone there is taking a look at my cervix-goal two is nearly accomplished). co-workers, the girl who sales me scentsy, my acupuncturist, and of course my sisters. And now, here I sit, in my period sweats typing with a bag of almond m&m's on one side of my laptop and a bag of cheese popcorn on the other, I have gotten up no less than three times just to see if Becky is here but, its likely that that pain in my stomach isn't her at all, its likely, this time its the fear of; what if IVF doesn't work?

Staring Down the Barrel of IVF

Funny story, I desperately want to have children and I can't. I know that it doesn't sound so funny but, if you knew my life. The news would make you laugh not the same way that you laugh when you watch America's Funniest Home Video's but, the kind of laugh that says "nothing ever goes your way, does it?" It doesn't bother me, if I have learned anything from my life its this. I. Am. Resilient.

This is how we got to this place; this place where I have shoved what is left of my eggs in IVF's basket and have tried everything from acupuncture to hypnosis to adjust the odds to be in my favor.

As soon as we started to try to make a Mini M&M, I knew that something was wrong, I didn't know what exactly but, I knew. For about six months I made every effort to ignore my suspicions, they were likely fruitless. After all, when I was 14 I stopped eating meat and didn't start back again for 5 years because I heard a story about Mad Cow disease. I am a terribly careful and cautious person.

I decided that I didn't want to wait any  longer and I made an appointment with my OBGYN, Dr. High-Five. Its true that is a pseudonym because after I saw him for the first time he checked out my baby maker and baby feeders and then, high fived me for a job well done. Dr. High-Five tried to explain to me that there probably wasn't a problem but, that he would like to conduct a laproscopy, an outpatient surgery to check my baby factory, to be sure that it really was nothing. The laproscopy came back clear. The next step he said was to start Clomid.

Clomid is an oral medication that you take for part of your cycle each month, and it is supposed to make you ovulate. Sounds easy, right? I guess it would have been if it would have worked and if it didn't make me fat. For the record "fat" is not recognized as a side effect of Clomid. However, "weight gain" is. If that means 5 pounds each cycle and I did 6 cycles, then yes, it made me fat. Sure, maybe I upped my milkshake intake but, if you know of a better way to deal with the exhaustion and mood swings, please be my guess...

There I was six months gone by, thirty pounds heavier and nowhere closer to baby. Dr. High-Five referred me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist, or for those of you in the biz of being barren, an RE. I made an appointment with, Dr. Encyclopedia, in the first twenty minutes of our meeting I was in love. I already had a list of fertility studies to research and he kept calling my husband the wrong name. He ordered some tests to see what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks was going on. So, started, phase two.

I walked out of that appointment with a band aid from my AMH blood draw, and scripts for an HCG, Valium and three more blood tests.

The HCG, basically, they stick a straw up your naughty mommy part and then inject some dye to take pictures. Some people say that the HCG is the worst thing that has ever happened to them. For me it was like mild menstrual craps, I don't know if that makes me super strong or my period a complete and total monster.

After about three weeks, I had my results. My AMH was low and my FSH was high. What that means for those of you not in the barren biz is that I am running out of eggs. My husband on the other had has incredible sperm, I believe Dr. Encyclopedia's exact words were, " These numbers are, great, amazing, remarkable". While, I am happy that he has such great, amazing, remarkable sperm; did I secretly wish that there was something wrong with him too? Absolutely. I thought that it would take a little bit of the pressure off of me. It wouldn't since, I am the only one applying pressure. We decided to try IUI.

IUI is when I take an oral medication and hormone injections in an attempt to grown a sweet follicle (pre-egg), during IUI you receive vaginal ultrasounds on a regular basis until, the follicle looks like its ready to get its ovulation on. When that happens you take a trigger shot, to make sure that you ovulate in the next 36 to 42 hours. At anytime during the ovulation window, you will be inseminated with your husbands great, amazing, remarkable sperm and then you wait. We decided to try IUI three times. Once, twice, three times a lady. IUI didn't work.

One more meeting with Dr. Encyclopedia and it because abundantly clear that, IVF was our last option and that it was a Hail Mary.

The first, step is an IVF class. As my husband and I sat in the break room at the doctor's office, with the other couples learning about mixing hormones, I couldn't help but look around. Everyone, was in their own bubble of grief and fear. I wondered, if we looked as sad as they did. Deep down I knew that we didn't. After all, our dream has always been to have a family, biology be damned.

This picture was taken moments before we got engaged. We were hiking in Zions.